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What is the square root of 4? 

Another TV Song

August 23rd, 2010

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Ah TV. It used to be a big boxy thing. It’s hard to make that sexy. Now it’s all svelte plastic and glass, sleek and modern, hanging on the wall. But stunningly, the sexiness of inanimate objects is not our topic. (Today at least.) It’s all about the content!
From the earliest, television has delivered a window on the lives of others and their stories. (Green Acres was a documentary. Look it up.) But with the proliferation of “reality” television, some believe that window is now brown. Like poop. Because you can only see poop through the window. Reality television is poop. But we digress. No wait, that’s the main topic.

We’re not here to make friends (yes we are),
Jeff and Elliott


Dear Jeff and Elliott

I admit it. I’m hooked on the television show ________* I know it’s a pretty dumb show, but it’s like a train wreck, I can’t look away. How can people really act like that? Should I attempt to avert my eyes, or should I consider the show a guilty pleasure?

Entertained in Englewood

*Name of show withheld to prevent curious listeners from investigating unsaid show. We also won’t ever tell you how to make the purest crystal meth out there. To learn that, you’d have to visit our sister site, “Elliott and Jeff Ruin the Day, and every other day for the rest of your life!”

“Another TV Song”

Dear Entertained,

Television
Is not real life
Sorry to be so blunt,
But you should probably realize

That Gilligan’s not really trapped
And Donald Draper doesn’t really cheat on his wife
(Because he’s not real. No he’s not.)

The same story goes
For reality shows
Real desperate housewives in the kitchen
And Jersey Hos and Bros

They say the camera adds ten pounds
But really it adds none
It just adds an inflated sense of the subjects self-opinion

It’s a Modern Freak Show
Just let the cameras roll
New word needed for reality
A word that’s not yet sold

So Call us Bravo
Feel free to send a check to lock us down
You’d be wise to decide on us quickly
‘Cause this future hit is being shopped around

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