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What is 2+2? 

Beard Happens

September 6th, 2010

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We never got around to posting a song last week because we were too busy prepping our beards for this week. Everyone knows you can’t write a post, let alone a song about beards without walking a mile in beard shoes. (Ed. Note: Beard shoes are itchy.)

What is more manly than a beard? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. George Washington, Nikola Tesla, Cal Ripken Jr, Gustave Whitehead: What do these people have in common? They’d all look great with beards. Can you think of anyone who has or had a beard that you don’t like? Don’t answer that. The point is, men don’t have much to work with when it comes to getting all gussied up for no reason. One thing we do have is the noble beard. (As opposed to the ironic mustache.) So if you’re ready for the gussying of a lifetime, look no further for guidance than this weeks song.

All Gussied up with no place to go,
Jeff and Elliott


Dear Jeff and Elliott

It’s still hot out now, but before we know it cooler days will prevail. In preparation, what kind of facial hair should I grow?

Beardless in Bentonville

“Beard Happens”

Dear Beardless,

What kind of facial hair to grow
How are we, across the internet, to look into your soul?
What kind of person are you?
For best beard match you must answer true

Are you dapper and daring, gruff but still caring?
Look to goatees and handlebar varieties

Does your knowledge fountain, are you stone like a mountain?
Try the chinstrap like Lincoln, or curled Greek to aid thinkin’

Are just who you are, like clear nights full of stars?
Then let the hair grow wherever it goes

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