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What is 2+2? 

Five Dollar Friends

July 26th, 2010

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One of the advantages of being old and sagacious like us is that you develop a hard exterior to shield out pain and real emotion. Alright repression! Parting ways in this journey of life is often a somber and depressing affair. (Unless you’re parting with Dick Cheney after a hunting trip, or parting with the guy who just stole your wallet at knife-point, or parting with your alternate personality that keeps trying to burn down the neighbor’s house, etc.) We present to you, dear listener, a song that imparts some of our wisdom on the matter of maintaining friendships at any distance over any amount of time. The best part is, you don’t have to do anything!

Modern Success Stories,
Jeff and Elliott


Dear kind Jeff and manly Elliott (I hope that Jeff is not the manly one, otherwise, this will sound silly),

I am in a pickle, musical advice givers. All my friends are going off to college, but I am sticking around at a local community college. I am a pretty outgoing guy, but am worried about getting involved in a new social circle while my best buds are out of town. Do you have any melodies of wisdom for how to go about handling my situation?


Sincerely yours,

Befuddled in Baytown

“Five Dollar Friends”

Dear Befuddled,

They say if you loan a friend five bucks and never ever see him again.
Then it was worth it-
I’m not sure if that quite relates, but it’s a pretty cool expression.

But similarly, while your friends are gone
If you go and make some new friends
Your old chums would be severely wrong
To think you’d forget your old friends.

And conversely, if they forget about you
Just ’cause everyone’s off doing something new
Well that’s not something that good friends do
They’ll fail to prove that their friendship’s true.

So loan all of your friends five bucks, before they go.
And when they ask what it’s for just squint and say “I think you know.”

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