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What is 2+2? 

Scary Movies

February 15th, 2010

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Ah Valentine’s Day! (It was yesterday. Oh god, did you forget!?) Beside being a corporate shill fest designed to monetize emotion, it inspires all kinds of barely-thought-out schemes to attract affection! One such scheme is to take a girl to a scary movie and: 1) Show her your manly side. 2) Get her to jump in your lap. Yes, many people see this is a ludicrous idea (It turns out fear isn’t a big aphrodisiac. Go figure.), but for those still on the fence we offer our opinion. (That’s all we ever offer!)

Boo,
Jeff and Elliott


Dear Jeff and Elliott,

I’ve got this friend who makes a big deal about how much he likes scary movies because they “just don’t phase him”. I think it’s a line of crap. What about you guys?

Not Buying It

“Scary Movies”

Dear Not Buying It,

Scary movies are for pansies
You only go to show your friends how macho you are
Everybody knows where to catch the scariest shows
News at 6 and 11; welcome to hell

What’s the percent chance of a poltergeist stealing your daughter?
Or a curse dragging you to hell?
But how sure are you that you’ll have a job tomorrow?
Or that the economy won’t completely fail?

Worse still, it doesn’t stop when the show is over
This shit’s real around the clock
So if you want to prove that you’re packing the brass ones,
Reality’s the top

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