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Pet Reprieve

February 8th, 2010

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Pets can make any home a more warm and inviting place. Nothing beats going for a jog with your dog or having a chat with your cat. (Cat’s can’t talk! See: advice for oddly intelligent animals.) However, lots of things beat going for a jog with X dogs, or changing the litter of Y cats. (Ice cream for example. Ice cream is delicious!) As sad as it is, sometimes things just don’t work out between pet and owner. So if saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, we present some ways in which parting can be more of a sweet sorrow.

Not Goodbye, Just “See ya later”,
Jeff and Elliott


Dear Jeff and Elliott,

I think I’ve reached my limit. I have far too many cats and dogs, and I can’t afford the costs of keeping them all. I really need an out, but I refuse to take them to any kind of shelter. What should I do?

Overwhelmed in Ohio

“Pet Reprieve”

Dear Overwhelmed,

Please come in, just don’t mind
The smell that the pets, left behind
And watch out for that mess on the kitchen floor
I knew I should’ve walked my dog before
I changed the lining in my birds’ cages
I saw my own help ad in those newspaper pages

Tell your cat to get a job
Teach sign language, to your dog
Then he can help the deaf and the blind

I can’t afford to feed these pets
I’ve got too many gambling debts
I swear to God, I’m not a bad guy
But I’d prefer to keep both of my eyeballs

Failing that, don’t forget
You can pawn pets off on your friends
Or should I say former friends

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