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What is 2+2? 

The Driving Song

December 7th, 2009

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We now interrupt your regularly-scheduled advice for this breaking rant from: Jeff and Elliott Gripe About Stuff!

Enjoy,
Jeff and Elliott


A question from a listener/reader would normally go here, but instead we’re going to gripe about slow drivers! It’s one of those things we can all relate to…so you might not know the words, but we bet you can sing along.

“The Driving Song”

Double yellow on my left
White on my right
I wish the road was empty tonight
But it’s not. There you are in front of me

You’re driving slower than a turtle,
Strapped to a snail,
Glued to a cheetah (legs minus three)
And there you are in front of me

You’re driving thirty
Speed limit’s fifty
You’re gonna piss me off

Flash my brights to no avail
Lay on the horn in hopes you’ll bail but
There you are in front of me

I wish this center line would change
If the hills would give way
The driving order could be rearranged and
I would no longer be enraged

But for now inexorably
Your bumper sticker’s goading me…

If your honor student has a car then I
Hope someone else taught ‘em how to drive
‘Cause right now you are going slow in front of me

Maybe you’re a zombie recently re-alive
Overcoming the obstacles of re-learning to drive
And you’re out on the prowl for brains tonight
Well “pedal to the metal”, or get your ass to the right

Or perhaps you’re a team of trained cats
One works the wheel, one works the thermostat
So indeed, it is warm inside
But the cat who’s at the pedals is driving drunk tonight

Finally your turn signal comes to life
You slow down even more to make a right
But what do I find to my dismay
There’s a copy of you, two hundred yards up the way

They’re driving thirty
Speed limit’s fifty
They’re gonna piss me off

Flash my brights to no avail
Lay on the horn in hopes they’ll bail but
There they are in front of me

Yeah, there you are in front of me

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