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What is 2+2? 

How to be Disowned

August 10th, 2009

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Some families are inherently supportive – just by virtue of detachment. No matter what choice you make they’ll let you follow it to your own destruction. Other families are so rigidly attached to a perspective they can’t even see the merits of alternatives. As in many things, the best approach is somewhere near sanity (also called the middle).
Mayors of the middle,
Jeff and Elliott

Dear Jeff and Elliott,

My family has recently taken to inviting me to their religious gatherings, even though I dislike discussing the subject. While I don’t want to hurt their feelings, I also absolutely do not want to be included. How can I be sure they get the hint?

Dodging the Discussion

“How to be Disowned”

Dear Dodging,

What do you do if you want to make sure
You’re never asked to wash the dishes again?
You do your best to do such a bad job
They make it illegal for you to enter a kitchen

So extrapolate this endeavor
To find out what you must do
Discover what your family finds most abhorent
And make it a part of you

For some that may be as simple
As refusing to uncover your head
For others it make take more creativity
Like claiming you’re the king of the dead

For some it’s about what you wear (like a cape and fangs)
For others the point is what you say (about stealing souls)
But some, you may find, will tolerate
The most deplorable things (either way),

You should probably let your family know how you feel
Before they never speak to you again
Because your name will be recorded into their scripture
As the name of true evil and forbidden

So calmly express your position
And we’re sure that you will find
Even though they may not understand at first
With your kindness, they will in time

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