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What is 2+2? 

Not Really About Golf

June 1st, 2009

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Have you ever noticed the seeming abundance of songs written about girls? Why is it so many songwriters turn out song after song about the opposite sex? This practice makes it’s long winding history all the way back to the Beatles who, in the late 50′s before being known as the Beatles, invented songs about girls. It’s almost as if there is some kind of gap between the sexes, and songs are an attempt to bridge that gap with lousy materials and poor planning.

With that said, we submit to you the latest entry to the “Jeff and Elliott Love Queries” Series. We think you’ll find it our most serious work thus far. Don’t forget to check the archives for other songs that will help you turn your life around and get the abs you’ve always wanted in under 60 seconds or your money back; guaranteed*.

Follow your heart (but wear a helmet.),
Jeff and Elliott

*not guaranteed


Dear Jeff and Elliott,

I’ve met a wonderful woman and I’m really interested in her.
The problem is, she’s an avid golfer, and I haven’t played golf since I was a kid.
I don’t want to lose her to some smooth-talking golf pro in a cardigan and knickers. What do you suggest?

Regards,

Off-Course

“Not Really About Golf”

Dear Off-Course,

Next time you’re at the golf course
Punch every guy you see
They’ll think you’re the grandest badass
In golfing history

If that doesn’t protect your investment
Maybe you don’t want it at all
It isn’t worth chasing a lady
Who likes guys who play with balls

But really don’t worry so much just because
There’s always those better than you
At thing’s like golf and wearing funny clothes
But you’re probably good at stuff too

Maybe you like to cook
So you cook her the best dinner she’s ever tasted
As she’s weeping into her napkin
She’ll confess a life without you is wasted

Perhaps paramount are your whittling skills
And you carve the most fetching wood figurines
She’ll laugh and she’ll smile and love you all the while
Lord knows why, you’re the guy carving wood figurines

But really in life as
We’re all getting by
Aren’t we all just the guy
Carving wood figurines?

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