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What is 2+2? 

Classically Trained

April 13th, 2009

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Finally, the day has come that we can all throw out our style magazines and our books on etiquette.
Everything you’ll ever need to know for any occasion is contained within the verses of the song you are about hear.
Also, thanks to everyone who has sent in e-mails, and everyone who has been listening as the site begins to pick
up steam. Now that we know which glass is most proper to toast with, we raise our glasses to you.

À votre santé,
Jeff and Elliott


Dear Jeff and Elliott,

I have a big problem.
I need to go to a fancy dinner party and I don’t know the proper attire –
nor do I know how to act at a fancy dinner party. I need some help please.

Sincerely,
Dumbfounded at Dinner

“Classically Trained”

Dear Dumbfounded,

Put on your top hat and monocle
You’re going out tonight you’re going classical

Ta, ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta ta ta
Ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta ta ta

Make lots of funny quips
Try not to make them sick
Try not to mention
Your comic book collection; or that you’re Batman

If someone tells a joke and it’s unfunny
Try not to stare, just laugh a bit and seem aware
Stay up with your current events
Quote Thomas Paine, use common sense

Ta, ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta ta ta
Ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta ta ta

When it comes time to eat don’t be afraid
We’ll tell you how everything is laid
Around that dinner plate; starting on the left:

Napkin, fish fork, dinner fork, salad fork, soup bowl on a plate!
Service knife, fish knife, soup spoon, now look above that plate to the left!
Bread plate, butter knife, dessert spoon, cake fork, too much work for cake!
Water glass, wine glass, wine glass, there are two wine glasses, wait…?

Wear underpants and a shirt
Don’t drink and fight but flirt
Oh, too much information
To maintain a station in

Society
High Society

Society at large
Puts ignorance in charge
Etiquette is just another word for peer pressure
Exercise aforementioned facts, at your leisure

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